Category: Blog

The Cost of Kindness

Some people say it costs nothing to be kind. I somewhat disagree.

Kindness does come with some cost attached. It comes with a price such as giving away your time to spend with a lonely neighbour, giving your money to support a charity with a just cause, swallowing your pride and staying quiet even when you know you are right.

While there is a price attached to being kind, the reward to both the giver and the receiver can be immense. It can transcend the act itself, and the impact can be long lasting.

Recently a friend I haven’t seen or spoken to for more than a decade reached out to me. He’d finally obtained my number from a mutual acquaintance and was very pleased to have reached me. We chatted and tried to catch up on what we have both been up to over the past years.

The next day, I received a message from this friend. In the message, he articulated how I had been of help to him several years ago, before we lost contact. I had supported him in launching his business, helping to write letters to potential patrons and being the first to use his services. His business is now thriving and has grown in leaps and bounds.

It was amazing to be reminded of this, because I had totally forgotten. I had done what was within my giving to do at the time and had not thought much of it. He on the other hand never forgot. He had carried this with him over the past years.

Kindness should be done without expecting anything in return, but there is a reminder from this example that people are watching, maybe not all, but some are, and some do not forget. You never know what your little act of kindness can mean to someone, how far reaching it could get, or the lasting effect it may have.

Be kind! Acts of kindness no matter how small can go a long way.

It might cost you, but the price is worth it!

Strengths and Struggles

A former colleague shared a story of how he had arrived late for a time management improvement course arranged for him by his manager. Managing his time well was an area he struggled with. Arriving late to the course reinforced the existence of this struggle, however, my colleague refused to give up at this first hurdle. He completed the course and learned practical tips to help him develop. With the use of these tips, he gradually began to make improvements in his ability to manage his time more effectively.

Equally, we all have areas we excel in, areas of strength. These are areas where we perform well and with ease. These strengths come from years of practice, experience, or in some cases, because of our natural abilities. Paying attention to these strengths, enable us to easily achieve results. When we stay within the areas of our strengths, we come across as capable and show ourselves in a good light. We make great contributions and are generally in a good place.

Working in the areas of our strengths is great. We should however not get too comfortable to the point of never venturing into anything new. We should not be deterred from stepping out of our comfort zones. Acknowledging our weaknesses and working on them is a good thing to do.

When opportunities present themselves for us to develop in areas we are uncomfortable in, we should take them. During these times, we can take a step back and learn from others, allowing them to lead. With time we start to develop. That area of weakness starts to lessen until it becomes manageable and perhaps even turn into an area of strength we did not know we had.

More in common

What do you see when you first meet a person? How they look? How they are dressed?

What do you do with that information? Make a judgement on how similar or dissimilar they are to you?

What do you do with that judgement? Treat them better? Get to know them more? Dismiss them?

It is general knowledge that first impressions always matter, that we as human beings always gravitate towards what we are familiar with. In a sense, there is safety in familiarity.

Without dismissing the importance of first impressions and familiarity, being open and inquisitive are also good traits to have. Openness to new experiences, new places, new people can sometimes be rewarding. When we take time to interact with others, learn about them and learn from them, we may come to realise that we have more in common than we have in differences.

Bring the Change

There is a story of a Bus driver who always drove the same route. Most of his passengers were regulars and well known to the Bus driver. There was a passenger who had the habit of paying for his fare with Bank notes and requesting for his change. One day, the passenger again paid for his fare with Bank notes and requested for his change. This time, the Bus driver had had enough. He vented out his frustration and exclaimed – “You cannot always demand change, sometimes you have to bring the change!”.

We all have one or two things we would like to see change. Things that can be made better, easier or even fairer. Sometimes we can fully articulate what that change should be and the associated benefits that will accompany the change. Other times, all we know is that the current situation is not good enough- It simply is not working for us and in some cases for others as well.

As with most things in life, not all changes are within our control. Some are external to us, requiring others to action for the change to happen or for it to be successful.

While we may be unable to change everything, or even change a lot, we will have opportunities to make changes, no matter how little to some things. There will be things within our control that we can change. We can change our outlook to life, looking out for positives. We can change the way we view disappointments that come our way, using them as stepping stones for the next stage. We can be the friendly neighbour, the attentive friend, the diligent employee, the empathetic employer. We can make a change no matter how small.

Expecting a change is not enough, sometimes we have to bring the change!

Be careful not fearful!

Society is gradually opening up.

While this is good news to many, there will be others who are less enthusiastic about changing how they have lived in the past many months. Many have made sacrifices, adjusted their lives and while things were initially challenging, they have now settled down to a new, comfortable routine. Why does that now have to change and why now?

Change is a normal part of life. It’s been said that it is the only constant thing in life. Change comes, goes and comes again. Sometimes we can prepare for change, other times we cannot. Sometimes we are the instigators of change, at other times we are the recipients of it. One way or the other, change will come!

Change is one thing that can make a lot of people uncomfortable. Change is uncertain and it requires adaptations being made. It can come in the form of changing jobs, moving to a different country, learning a new skill and in the context of what has happened in the past months, change can be government restrictions lifting and having to return to the office.

I like the idea of change and overtime I have tried to embrace it as best as I can. I am also one to where possible, plan for change by taking care of the things that are within my control. I then let go and try to embrace the change as it comes along.

Things can be easier if we learn to accept change as a part of life. To embrace it where we can. To learn that change is not necessarily a bad thing, it is another challenge that can be overcome.

Even if we choose to be careful with change, let’s try to not be fearful of it!

Contentment as a key to happiness

Happiness is a simple yet intriguing concept.

Part of what makes happiness intriguing is that people experience happiness differently. What makes one person happy may not necessarily have the same effect on another person.

You, like I have, may have come across some seemingly wealthy and successful people who are not happy, making you wonder why. You may even have imagined how much happiness you will derive from achieving a particular thing, only for that thing to happen and the happiness you experienced was at best short-lived or at worst never even materialised.

While there may not be one thing to make everyone equally happy, perhaps there may be something that those who seem to be happy for majority of the time have in common?

Could that ‘something’ be contentment?

I view contentment as being able to be happy with my present situation; where I am and what I have achieved so far. Contentment for me is not an excuse to settle for mediocrity. It does not mean a lack of ambition or desire, giving up or no longer striving to be better. It is not an act of surrender or hopelessness.

Contentment is about appreciating the here and now. It is about counting my blessings, no matter how small they may seem and looking ahead with optimism that things can and do get better. It is choosing to be happy, regardless!

Learning to be content with who we are, where we are or what we have achieved can hold a lot of positives. A sense of contentment does not limit our expectations, rather, it allows us to appreciate how far we have come while we pursue our ambitions and look forward to the next stage of our lives.

Consider contentment as a key to happiness!

Try again tomorrow

What if you knew what you wanted and had gone for it?

It is common knowledge for many that if you want something, you go for it. You put the resources, the time and effort into it to make it work. So, what if after you have put all of that in, you still don’t get the result that you had hoped for? You have tried but things have not quite turned out as expected, or they have turned out to be what you would call an absolute disaster? You have put the money into that investment, time into that relationship, effort into that job, you have worked extremely hard trying to build… but it’s all come crashing down!

This crashing down, falling apart, can lead to a deep sense of loss, of devastation, of despair. Many at this point may lose heart and some may even become a shadow of their former self. The dream has been snatched! It’s not going well!

I have learnt that in life, even with the rightest of all motives, the best of all intentions, the greatest of all endeavours, not all situations will go as planned or as expected. The results, the timings may be different from what we had anticipated or wanted. While we may not be able to change all situations to suit our expectations, we may be able to change how we view these experiences.

We can try to change what we do next, how we take it on from there. We can learn the lessons from what has not worked today and use them for when we try again tomorrow.

If it hasn’t worked today, give it another go, try again tomorrow!

Success is in the doing

“Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is often more important than the outcome.”

– Arthur Ashe

Awards, applauses, recognitions are some of the things that are frequently associated with success. But what if we were to consider success as being much more than that? Perhaps we can look at success from an everyday practical sense and appreciate not just the outcomes of our endeavours but also the efforts we put in to help us succeed.

Success to me is achievable with starting something new, with continuing to put our best into what we already do, with seeing to completion what’s already started, with mastering what’s already known. Success is achievable when we amend old habits, when we restart the things we’ve previously done, when we take a fresh look at things and do them differently.

Success can come in giant leaps or in small steps; with practice, with perseverance, with hard work… and most importantly it’s never too late to succeed!

Being considered as the brightest, richest, most successful, upcoming and promising person to have made a mark in the world is definitely a great achievement. However, the reality is this is not something everyone will attain. Not everyone will demonstrate skills beyond their years or emerge as leaders in their chosen field, but everyone can strive to do their best, to put their best foot forward, and to achieve.

Success is not just in the outcome, it’s also in the doing!

Nothing wrong with normal

What a year 2020 has been!

For most of us in many parts of the world, 2020 has been a year like no other. The coronavirus pandemic has resulted in so many changes including to the way we live our lives. It has had some impacts on what we do, how we do it, who we meet, where we meet, where we go, who we go with, how we work, where we work.

One thing this year has taught me is that I may have previously taken ‘normal’ for granted. Many of the things that would have previously been referred to as normal, ordinary, not worthy of celebrating….even boring are now very much missed! it was normal to spend time with friends and family, to work alongside colleagues, to go out for drinks and meals, to go out in groups to watch movies, meet at the park, visit places to mention a few.

Not so much anymore! There is now some disruption or another to what had previously been perceived normal. The old normal days are missed and are longed back for. While I long for those days, I am learning to pause and appreciate what is left available to me. To embrace the new normal and to look forward to better days ahead… days to be celebrated, days that will not too long afterwards become normal, but with what I now know should not be treated as such!