Disappointment as a tool for growth

Disappointment is not something most people will welcome with open arms. It mostly brings with it pain, regret and sorrow. Most people see disappointment as something negative that should be avoided. It comes uninvited, often through missed chances, broken expectations, and plans that don’t succeed, even when we try hard.

However, disappointment can also be a powerful tool for personal growth. When we handle it well, it helps us build resilience, gain perspective, and improve our character.

When plans go wrong, we can either try to avoid the issue or start to doubt ourselves, or we can ask ourselves important questions such as whether there is a lesson to be learned from the event, or if there is something we can do better next time.

Disappointment can help build resilience, where we look beyond the disappointment and refuse to let it define or control us. We channel our energy into thinking things through and then moving ahead with more clarity.

Disappointment can also help develop strong character. It can be easy to seem confident when everything is going well, but true character shows when facing disappointment. We can develop patience and even humility.

Accepting disappointment as part of growth can change our mindset. The fear of failing reduces when we no longer see disappointment as a disaster. We become more willing to take chances, try new things, and step outside our comfort zones.

Comparison is a Thief of Joy

One of the quickest ways we can rob ourselves of joy is to compare our life with that of others – Comparing ourselves with what they have achieved, what they have, how the live or even their appearance. When we measure our worth against these things that others have, it slowly drains the happiness from our own journey.

When comparison becomes a habit, it breeds a restless dissatisfaction. Nothing ever feels like enough. Comparison also sometimes creates pride, when we believe we are ahead, but that also is not beneficial to us. Neither constant discontent nor fragile pride leads to a healthy, fulfilling life.

Each of us carries a unique story which includes our own strengths, struggles, opportunities, and limitations. The things we have, and the things we lack, shape us in ways that no one else can replicate. That uniqueness is not a flaw; it is what makes us remarkable.

Instead of measuring ourselves against others, we should channel our energy in investing in ourselves, growing and making progress each and every day. The only meaningful comparison is between who we were and who we are becoming.

When we shift our focus inward and invest in learning, improving, and evolving, we free ourselves to embrace who we are and to pursue growth with intention. We learn to appreciate every step we take forward, no matter how small.

Becoming a better version of ourselves, in whatever form that may take, can be a bringer of joy.

To err is human

Making mistakes is an inherent part of being human. Not every hurt we experience is born of malice or ill intent. Sometimes, actions that cause pain arise from good intentions that simply miss their mark.

Despite meaning well, our words or gestures may be received differently than we expect, resulting in unintended harm. Likewise, we may find ourselves on the receiving end of such actions. In these moments, it is important to recognise that not everyone who hurts us does so deliberately.

Understanding this perspective can be challenging, but it opens the door to forgiveness. Forgiveness is a conscious choice, and often a difficult one. Yet it allows us to release resentment, let go of bitterness, and free ourselves from emotional burdens that hinder our growth and well-being.

Forgiving does not excuse the hurt, nor does it diminish its impact. Rather, it empowers us to rise above the situation, reclaim our peace, and move forward with compassion and strength.

Ultimately, forgiveness is not only an act of grace toward others, it is also an act of kindness toward ourselves. In choosing to forgive, we set ourselves free.

To err is human; to forgive, divine.

Hold on to Hope

Hope is more than a vague wish or a passing feeling. It is a positive expectation, a belief that something good can happen. Hope by its very nature is full of optimism, no one hopes for misfortune. Hope is also for the future, we do not hope for what we already have.

Some of us may have experienced disappointment this year. Expectations may have gone unmet and plans may have fallen apart. However, what has happened so far does not always determine what is still possible. Circumstances can change, and they can change for the better.

Hope invites us to keep looking ahead. It encourages us to invest our energy in thinking positively and to remain open to the possibility of improvement.

Hope comes with anticipation of the good things that we desire. We believe that the positive outcome we desire, or something close to it, can come our way. With hope, we choose optimism over resignation.

The psychologist, Charles R. Snyder developed the Hope theory in the early 1990s. Snyder’s theory summarises hope as being more than wishful thinking. Hope is practical. It starts with active planning and setting of goals and includes a belief that what is being planned for can be achieved.

While there are no guarantees that everything we hope for will unfold exactly as we imagine, hope carries with it a quiet confidence. It prompts us to move forward, doing what we can to support the outcomes we desire, trusting that something good can emerge.

Hope is available to everyone. It is not reserved for the young, the wealthy, or the fortunate. Anyone, at any stage of life, can hope.

Let’s all hold on to hope.

The Cost of Kindness

Some people say it costs nothing to be kind. I somewhat disagree.

Kindness does come with some cost attached. It comes with a price such as giving away your time to spend with a lonely neighbour, giving your money to support a charity with a just cause, swallowing your pride and staying quiet even when you know you are right.

While there is a price attached to being kind, the reward to both the giver and the receiver can be immense. It can transcend the act itself, and the impact can be long lasting.

Recently a friend I haven’t seen or spoken to for more than a decade reached out to me. He’d finally obtained my number from a mutual acquaintance and was very pleased to have reached me. We chatted and tried to catch up on what we have both been up to over the past years.

The next day, I received a message from this friend. In the message, he articulated how I had been of help to him several years ago, before we lost contact. I had supported him in launching his business, helping to write letters to potential patrons and being the first to use his services. His business is now thriving and has grown in leaps and bounds.

It was amazing to be reminded of this, because I had totally forgotten. I had done what was within my giving to do at the time and had not thought much of it. He on the other hand never forgot. He had carried this with him over the past years.

Kindness should be done without expecting anything in return, but there is a reminder from this example that people are watching, maybe not all, but some are, and some do not forget. You never know what your little act of kindness can mean to someone, how far reaching it could get, or the lasting effect it may have.

Be kind! Acts of kindness no matter how small can go a long way.

It might cost you, but the price is worth it!

Strengths and Struggles

A former colleague shared a story of how he had arrived late for a time management improvement course arranged for him by his manager. Managing his time well was an area he struggled with. Arriving late to the course reinforced the existence of this struggle, however, my colleague refused to give up at this first hurdle. He completed the course and learned practical tips to help him develop. With the use of these tips, he gradually began to make improvements in his ability to manage his time more effectively.

Equally, we all have areas we excel in, areas of strength. These are areas where we perform well and with ease. These strengths come from years of practice, experience, or in some cases, because of our natural abilities. Paying attention to these strengths, enable us to easily achieve results. When we stay within the areas of our strengths, we come across as capable and show ourselves in a good light. We make great contributions and are generally in a good place.

Working in the areas of our strengths is great. We should however not get too comfortable to the point of never venturing into anything new. We should not be deterred from stepping out of our comfort zones. Acknowledging our weaknesses and working on them is a good thing to do.

When opportunities present themselves for us to develop in areas we are uncomfortable in, we should take them. During these times, we can take a step back and learn from others, allowing them to lead. With time we start to develop. That area of weakness starts to lessen until it becomes manageable and perhaps even turn into an area of strength we did not know we had.

More in common

What do you see when you first meet a person? How they look? How they are dressed?

What do you do with that information? Make a judgement on how similar or dissimilar they are to you?

What do you do with that judgement? Treat them better? Get to know them more? Dismiss them?

It is general knowledge that first impressions always matter, that we as human beings always gravitate towards what we are familiar with. In a sense, there is safety in familiarity.

Without dismissing the importance of first impressions and familiarity, being open and inquisitive are also good traits to have. Openness to new experiences, new places, new people can sometimes be rewarding. When we take time to interact with others, learn about them and learn from them, we may come to realise that we have more in common than we have in differences.

Bring the Change

There is a story of a Bus driver who always drove the same route. Most of his passengers were regulars and well known to the Bus driver. There was a passenger who had the habit of paying for his fare with Bank notes and requesting for his change. One day, the passenger again paid for his fare with Bank notes and requested for his change. This time, the Bus driver had had enough. He vented out his frustration and exclaimed – “You cannot always demand change, sometimes you have to bring the change!”.

We all have one or two things we would like to see change. Things that can be made better, easier or even fairer. Sometimes we can fully articulate what that change should be and the associated benefits that will accompany the change. Other times, all we know is that the current situation is not good enough- It simply is not working for us and in some cases for others as well.

As with most things in life, not all changes are within our control. Some are external to us, requiring others to action for the change to happen or for it to be successful.

While we may be unable to change everything, or even change a lot, we will have opportunities to make changes, no matter how little to some things. There will be things within our control that we can change. We can change our outlook to life, looking out for positives. We can change the way we view disappointments that come our way, using them as stepping stones for the next stage. We can be the friendly neighbour, the attentive friend, the diligent employee, the empathetic employer. We can make a change no matter how small.

Expecting a change is not enough, sometimes we have to bring the change!

Be careful not fearful!

Society is gradually opening up.

While this is good news to many, there will be others who are less enthusiastic about changing how they have lived in the past many months. Many have made sacrifices, adjusted their lives and while things were initially challenging, they have now settled down to a new, comfortable routine. Why does that now have to change and why now?

Change is a normal part of life. It’s been said that it is the only constant thing in life. Change comes, goes and comes again. Sometimes we can prepare for change, other times we cannot. Sometimes we are the instigators of change, at other times we are the recipients of it. One way or the other, change will come!

Change is one thing that can make a lot of people uncomfortable. Change is uncertain and it requires adaptations being made. It can come in the form of changing jobs, moving to a different country, learning a new skill and in the context of what has happened in the past months, change can be government restrictions lifting and having to return to the office.

I like the idea of change and overtime I have tried to embrace it as best as I can. I am also one to where possible, plan for change by taking care of the things that are within my control. I then let go and try to embrace the change as it comes along.

Things can be easier if we learn to accept change as a part of life. To embrace it where we can. To learn that change is not necessarily a bad thing, it is another challenge that can be overcome.

Even if we choose to be careful with change, let’s try to not be fearful of it!

Contentment as a key to happiness

Happiness is a simple yet intriguing concept.

Part of what makes happiness intriguing is that people experience happiness differently. What makes one person happy may not necessarily have the same effect on another person.

You, like I have, may have come across some seemingly wealthy and successful people who are not happy, making you wonder why. You may even have imagined how much happiness you will derive from achieving a particular thing, only for that thing to happen and the happiness you experienced was at best short-lived or at worst never even materialised.

While there may not be one thing to make everyone equally happy, perhaps there may be something that those who seem to be happy for majority of the time have in common?

Could that ‘something’ be contentment?

I view contentment as being able to be happy with my present situation; where I am and what I have achieved so far. Contentment for me is not an excuse to settle for mediocrity. It does not mean a lack of ambition or desire, giving up or no longer striving to be better. It is not an act of surrender or hopelessness.

Contentment is about appreciating the here and now. It is about counting my blessings, no matter how small they may seem and looking ahead with optimism that things can and do get better. It is choosing to be happy, regardless!

Learning to be content with who we are, where we are or what we have achieved can hold a lot of positives. A sense of contentment does not limit our expectations, rather, it allows us to appreciate how far we have come while we pursue our ambitions and look forward to the next stage of our lives.

Consider contentment as a key to happiness!